Day one of trying to figure out who I am...
Did I cop out by picking the easiest of the three questions? I mean really, who doesn't know who they are by the time they're in there twenties right? Shouldn't figuring that out be much easier than nailing down what I want and planning how to get there...? False.
Contrary to my original train of thought, I think I may have picked the most complicated issue to tackle first. I know the old adage about how you go to college to figure out who you are, but I can tell you right now, learning about me was the last thing on my mind during those four years--four years that flew by leaving me with a fair amount of knowledge, even more questions and no clear path on what to do next. I guess that's why I'm here, now.
Who am I? Who am I? Where to start...
Starting this whole process will probably more difficult than the rest of the journey. That way of thinking is true for exercising, why can't it fit the bill here? In my opinion, in order to figure out who you are, you have to recognize who you've been; a real "oh crap" moment if you ask me.
Thinking of this like organizing a closet has helped me pinpoint more about who I am, or even more importantly, who I want to be. Dig deep into the back of your brain, and uncover the moments in life where you liked who you were and those other moments you're less than proud of. It's like sorting through all of your outfits, finding items you love and can't live without, items you forgot you had but are glad you never got rid of and items you pray no one ever saw you wear.
Break the experiences or characteristics into two lists, who you are or want to be, and who you'd never dream of being again. Save the keeper nuggets, and purge the rest, just like you would with your clothes.
I'll admit it, I have plenty of trash can treasures that I cannot wait to leave behind. To find out who I am, I must identify and then pitch the fact that in the past, I have been dishonest, I have been rude, I have been petty, I have been uninspired, I have been selfish, I have been unfair and I have sold myself short.
Now, wouldn't it be great if a metaphorical purge meant I would never be petty or selfish again? I just don't think that's how it works...it's like filling the trash can, but never being able to take it out to the curb. I believe this is actually a good thing. Knowing what you're truly capable of will help you keep a handle on suppressing those negative traits.
Working out who I am will not happen overnight, but reaffirming the things I already value in myself has been enlightening. I had no idea I was so proud of being fiercely loyal or originally creative. I now understand that I'm happiest when I'm unbelievably busy, and I am my best motivator.
While I certainly can't tell you much more about who I am now, the least I can say is I started, and I'll keep trying. My only hope is that I'll figure it out while I'm still in my twenties...here's hoping!
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