Relatively new...

Admittedly, I've been lacking a little in the blogging department. I'll use the same excuse as every other busy person out there and blame it on the holiday season.

Actually, all my spare time has been consumed with creating handmade masterpieces for my first marketplace sale. Ok, maybe not masterpieces, but various goods that have been labor-intensive and demanding of my attention.

The marketplace day is among several holiday traditions we take part in where I work. Since I have been at my current employer for under a year's time, it will be my first go-round with each festive event...something I'm reminded of often by self-proclaimed "office veterans."

I cannot count how many times I've been labeled as "new" in the past month, an occurrence which had died down up until recently. In the beginning, after just starting a job, you expect the "new" tag to be constantly linked to your name; it just comes with the territory.

I've held this position for seven months now, SEVEN MONTHS! Seven months is a long time to me; I mean, in seven months the seasons change three times, and you could be over two-thirds of the way through a pregnancy. Which brings me to my most recent nagging question...when will I no longer be a "new" person at work?!

While being "new" has its advantages, like more leniency for your mistakes, the "newness" of being "new" wears off quickly. Each time someone mentions my infancy at the company I feel invalidated, and I become frustrated with the classification. I would much rather be labeled the "trustworthy employee" or the "hard-working employee" instead of the "new employee." After seven months, I think I have paid my dues as the newbie.

I wouldn't dread being called out on my less-than-a-year status if the labeling came across positively. Each time someone mentions that I, or any other recent hire, is "new," it's almost used as an excuse, like "Don't mind her, she's new." To which I'd like to respond, "Do mind me, I've been here for SEVEN MONTHS, and I know a lot about what goes on in this place!"

I'd like to think that no one intentionally uses the "new" word negatively, but I still can't wait until antiquated office politics deem it less relevant in association with me.

Until then, I am still in my twenties, still trying...and apparently...still NEW.

Risking to be bold...

I'm back with a vengeance! After a short hiatus for the holidays and a little down time for a Black Friday-induced cold, it's time to jump back into blogging. Here goes...

I've had one particular subject weighing on my mind for quite sometime now. In the midst of my "quarter-life crisis," the topic of risk-taking keeps bubbling to the surface. Thoughts of when to dive in head-first and when to sit back have begun to consume my time and energy.

Hats off to a new acquaintance that is doing anything and everything it takes to achieve his dream, including moving across the country to take part in the competitive and prestigious NBC Page Program. It's incredible to meet someone that is so driven and focused in their twenties. I have little doubt that his big risk will pay off tenfold in the future, and I look forward to the day I can brag that I knew him when it all began.

I find myself becoming both jealous and excited at hearing of others taking leaps into the great unknown. I read about old friends that have moved to New York City or started their own businesses, and I feel left out, left behind. Why am I not moving to the big city or making bank off of a creative endeavor? I envy the sheer will it takes to risk it all; or even a little.

An old standby quote comes to mind: "You'll never do a whole lot unless you're brave enough to try," signed, sealed and delivered by Miss Dolly Parton herself.

Blonde hair and massive body parts aside, she has a point, you won't fail if you never try, but you won't succeed either. Isn't the mere possibility of success, of greatness, worth a little risk? Fear can be so paralyzing that it glues you to your seat, stuck exactly where you are. But, if where you are isn't where you want to be, it's about time to kick fear's ass.

I can sit here behind the safety of my computer screen and try to pen something profound about risk, but what would I truly know without actually taking the plunge. So plunge I will...next Friday (stay tuned).

I'm deep into the journey of figuring out who I am, and answering the question of what I want has become much easier. I know that I want to be in business for myself. A business owner of what? That question is more complicated.

After years of hearing that I should bake professionally, photograph professionally, write professionally and so on, I've decided to do just that...I'm going to work toward becoming a professional Jill of-all-trades.

Next Friday, December 10, I will take part in a marketplace day where I will sell some of my creations for the first time...ever. I will sell my stuff for actual money! The thought terrifies me, and while the risk may seem minute to others, it's more than substantial to me. I'm going to give it a go at working for myself...even if it is just for an afternoon.

After all, Virgil said, "Fortune favors the bold."

Bold and in my twenties I will be. And, always trying.

Value and worth...

Today I have been coincidentally bombarded by a question I believe most 20-somethings struggle with; what am I worth? Now I'm not talking about worth in the terms of my mom patting me on the back and telling me I'm special. I'm talking about how to determine my value as a productive professional and demanding to be compensated as such.

Let me backtrack. When I graduated from college a year and a half ago, I had absolutely no clue the type of job market I would be facing. I had spent the better part of four years listening to my professors and advisors gush about the kind of opportunities waiting for me once I had that trusty diploma in-hand. Screw starting to look for a job four months out from graduation, I was going to be a college graduate, and finding a high-paying, perfect position was going to be a piece of cake right?

Wrong...way wrong.

I started my search seriously after a month of lounging around my parents' house, going to the pool all day and watching episodes of the original Beverly Hills 90210 got old. Little did I know, I had wasted precious time, and I was at a severe applicant disadvantage. Forget finding a nine to fiver that would pay me $45,000.

The first job offer I landed post-college was for an office manager-type position making eleven dollars an hour. Can you say reality check? I quickly turned the offer down assuming something great was just around the corner. Cut to three months later, and I'm working an unpaid internship at a PR agency. When I got the internship, I learned that hundreds of others had applied. Hundreds of grown adults had applied for an entry-level position with no pay! I was in shock, and again, the reality of my situation began to set in. I started to think that as a worker, I was only worth as much as an unpaid internship, and honestly...no one was telling me any different.

After years of hearing I was smart and gifted and going to do great things, I let eight months of job rejections and poor offers get the best of me. I was blindsided by what I thought was my own failure, and I couldn't see that I was still just as talented, only the economy was in the toilet.

While I eventually pushed past this miserable mindset, I must say that it honestly affected me when I accepted my first full-time job. I was so happy to have found a stable opportunity that I agreed to the offer without even considering negotiation, besides, I had absolutely no idea how to negotiate my own future. Of course, it's useless to let "what ifs" cripple you, but sometimes I am plagued by what if I had asked for more money or a better title or more time off? I was so worried about getting a job, that I undervalued my own worth.

At a conference last week, I heard career guru Tory Johnson say, "Not negotiating is not an option." If I'm not going to be my own advocate, who will be? If you don't have confidence in yourself, how can you inspire someone else to have it in you too? Even now, I still get nervous at the thought of telling someone what my talents are worth, but if I won't do it, who will? If I can confidently say that I have something of value to offer, what choice does anyone have but to believe me.

I'm in my twenties and trying not to sell myself short.

Keepers and trash can treasures...

Day one of trying to figure out who I am...

Did I cop out by picking the easiest of the three questions? I mean really, who doesn't know who they are by the time they're in there twenties right? Shouldn't figuring that out be much easier than nailing down what I want and planning how to get there...? False.

Contrary to my original train of thought, I think I may have picked the most complicated issue to tackle first. I know the old adage about how you go to college to figure out who you are, but I can tell you right now, learning about me was the last thing on my mind during those four years--four years that flew by leaving me with a fair amount of knowledge, even more questions and no clear path on what to do next. I guess that's why I'm here, now.

Who am I? Who am I? Where to start...

Starting this whole process will probably more difficult than the rest of the journey. That way of thinking is true for exercising, why can't it fit the bill here? In my opinion, in order to figure out who you are, you have to recognize who you've been; a real "oh crap" moment if you ask me.

Thinking of this like organizing a closet has helped me pinpoint more about who I am, or even more importantly, who I want to be. Dig deep into the back of your brain, and uncover the moments in life where you liked who you were and those other moments you're less than proud of. It's like sorting through all of your outfits, finding items you love and can't live without, items you forgot you had but are glad you never got rid of and items you pray no one ever saw you wear. 

Break the experiences or characteristics into two lists, who you are or want to be, and who you'd never dream of being again. Save the keeper nuggets, and purge the rest, just like you would with your clothes.

I'll admit it, I have plenty of trash can treasures that I cannot wait to leave behind. To find out who I am, I must identify and then pitch the fact that in the past, I have been dishonest, I have been rude, I have been petty, I have been uninspired, I have been selfish, I have been unfair and I have sold myself short.

Now, wouldn't it be great if a metaphorical purge meant I would never be petty or selfish again? I just don't think that's how it works...it's like filling the trash can, but never being able to take it out to the curb. I believe this is actually a good thing. Knowing what you're truly capable of will help you keep a handle on suppressing those negative traits.

Working out who I am will not happen overnight, but reaffirming the things I already value in myself has been enlightening. I had no idea I was so proud of being fiercely loyal or originally creative. I now understand that I'm happiest when I'm unbelievably busy, and I am my best motivator.

While I certainly can't tell you much more about who I am now, the least I can say is I started, and I'll keep trying. My only hope is that I'll figure it out while I'm still in my twenties...here's hoping!

Great expectations...

When I got home from a 13-hour day last night, I didn't feel that I had anything profound to wax poetic about...essentially my need for sleep overcame my need to pen anything pertinent to life. Much to my chagrin, I find that when I am most tired, I also do my best thinking--a terrible combo. Have you ever dragged yourself to bed only to be kept awake by an active mind and racing thoughts? This happens to me all the time! I'd like to think that this habit will wane as my life settles down, but my parents have assured me that little about life gets easier with age.

So there I am, awake at 1 a.m., with my dog taking up most of my leg room and "what ifs" keeping me from sleep. For some inexplicable reason, the Radiohead Creep cover from The Social Network trailer is stuck in my head; the haunting tune that pipes behind the images of different Facebook features as they flash across the screen. 

I'll admit it, I was one of millions that rushed to see "the Facebook movie" the weekend that it landed theaters. While others may have been allured to those plush red seats in front of silver screens by the promise of sex, scandal and billions of dollars, I was drawn to the Zuckerberg expose hoping for just a hint of how this average guy hit it big at such a young age. Little did I know, Mark Zuckerberg was in no way, shape or form, some average guy, but it touched on a subject that I think about all the time...

How the hell did he do that? And, why didn't I think of that?

As I mentioned in my last post, a huge part of society thinks people in their twenties today are superb underachievers. Yet, we're bombarded with stories about "kids" that have accomplished it all by their thirtieth birthday. Does that mean everyone in the quarter-life stage is either a slacker or a billionaire? 

What pressure young grads and professionals in their twenties must feel? I know I do! How can I possibly stack up to to those fortunate, driven individuals who have it all figured out, including retirement, by age 25? I made the mistake of reading this MSN article about 30 under 30, 30 Top Young Entrepreneurs, pair that with another MSN article about America's youngest billionaires, and you're sure to feel worthless that all you've done thus far is hold onto a secure job with decent benefits; which, in this economy, should be impressive!

So my question is, how do I get there? I'd love to say that I've been secretly working on the next great invention, comparable to the post-it note, but it's just not true. When it comes to the next great idea, I'm drawing a blank. I can't write complicated html code, and I can't split atoms. I don't have the cure for cancer, and I haven't discovered the next Justin Bieber.

What I do have packed in my arsenal, is a desire to work really, really hard...shouldn't that be enough? I'm learning that ambition, like love, isn't always enough. I still have to figure out who I am, what I want, and how to get there. Tackling all three at once seems virtually impossible, so I'm going to start with number one.

Join me won't you? 

Stay tuned as I figure out who I am while still trying and still in my twenties.

And so it begins...

I must admit, I'm a little late to the game when it comes to blogging, but recently, I've been inspired to reevaluate my current situation, and what better form of reflection than written word...
 

While that all sounds nice, I've really been spurned to write a blog because of what I've read and heard about all the twenty-somethings out there and how we're perceived by society. As a whole, Generation Y'ers are thought to be lazy, entitled, disloyal to our jobs, unwilling to work as hard as expected and constantly looking for praise.
 

Not too long ago, I stumbled across (saw on Facebook) that The New York Times had published an article asking, "Why are so many people in their 20s taking so long to grow up?" 

The article spouts a million reasons why people in their early twenties are "forestalling the beginning of adult life." And while, I am not blind to how spot-on this description is for many with which I share a generation, I must say, there are still lots of us out there in our 20s that are trying. Trying now, to figure out who we are, what we want and how we can get it.  

The New York Times closes the article with a quote from Jeffrey Arnett's Emerging Adulthood, “To be a young American today is to experience both excitement and uncertainty, wide-open possibility and confusion, new freedoms and new fears. Emerging adults develop skills for daily living, gain a better understanding of who they are and what they want from life and begin to build a foundation for their adult lives.” 

So bear with me as I make a go of navigating "adultolescence." 

I am 20 and trying.